Learning how to use new pronouns

Pronouns are what we use to refer to someone without using their name, and using someone's chosen pronouns is a sign of respect and a recognition of someone's humanity. They aren't inconsequential, but vital. Pronouns help a trans person move comfortably through their day-to-day life, without mental, emotional, or physical threat.

There are numerous pronouns that someone can identify with, and a brief list of them has been compiled here from ACON:

While we as a society are used to hearing he/him and she/her pronouns to refer to a singular person, some people use "they" as their singular pronoun. Singular "they" is most commonly used by someone who identifies outside of the male and female genders, otherwise known as nonbinary.

While some of these may seem like new pronouns, in reality most of them have been in use for centuries.

Always begin by asking someone for their correct pronoun. Even if you think someone isn’t transgender, it’s best to make this a regular process and ask everyone. However, be mindful that not everyone is comfortable answering this question, especially if they’ve been singled out in a group. As such, it’s best to ask everyone in a group for their pronouns, and also add that they can share if they’re comfortable doing so. That way, trans people aren’t isolated and treated differently from other peers, and can feel more comfortable in a group.

The best way to grow accustomed to using someone's chosen pronouns is to believe them. When someone introduces themself with their chosen pronouns, it shows a sign of trust and strength, and the best thing we can do to applaud someone for this level of vulnerability is to believe that they are who they say they are. When someone doesn't believe a trans person who shares their identity, it can lead to severe harm and distress.

And then, simply practice. Practice saying their name and pronouns, so that you can express to them that you value their presence in your life. Trans people understand that mistakes will happen, and that's okay. But, trans people also can tell when someone is actively working to respect them or actively choosing to disrespect them.

Making an honest mistake with someone's name or pronoun will always happen, and that process is harder for some than it is for others. If you are having a hard time, remember that your intent is still appreciated and meaningful, and ask the person in your life what you can do to best support them.